Planning for the End

"She requested only certain people to be in the room with her when she died, but a vast network of friends surround the outside of her home and sang 'Will the Circle Be Unbroken.'"

Photo credit: Cori Maiden

When my friend and colleague described her sister-in-law's passing after a long battle with cancer, I was moved to tears, but it wasn't because I knew her. It was because she passed in such a peaceful and supportive way.

"It was the way she wanted it. It was her plan for the end," my friend told me.

This statement got me thinking about plans.

A few years back, a beloved yoga student of mine told me of his cancer diagnosis and that he had only a few months left. During those few months, he experienced fatigue, nausea and pain. His wife told me: "Although he was ready and wanted to die sooner rather than later, leaving his body turned out to be very hard for him and very hard for me to watch by his side, so helpless to assist.

Mid-wifing [death] is not easy."

30 years ago, I was a part of several end of life plans. My mother worked in a convalescent home and I spent many, many hours there between the ages of 8-12. I was never in the room of anyone's passing, but I held plenty of hands, sang songs ("Indian Love Call" by Nelson Eddy and Jeanette McDonald comes to mind), brushed hair and heard fascinating stories.

20 years ago, my grandmother passed away after a long battle with cancer. Even though she had an end plan, it didn't seem to go very well... but that could have been my perspective: my rock, my anchor and my lighthouse in the storm world was leaving me, and that was all I could think about. There was no holding hands, or singing songs or brushing hair. There were only drugs and arguments and wills. My grandmother chose to leave this life when everyone left the room.

At the time, I was in my junior year of college, earning my mechanical engineering degree from Santa Clara University, just down the street from her house. We had always been close, but after her treatment we grew even closer. When she passed I was very bitter about the way her life ended; I thought, "there has to be a better way than this," and I held on to that judgement to support me during my grief.

2 decades later, I am still searching for that better way. I don't know what it will look like, but I do know that being surrounded by love, holding hands and singing sounds like a great plan.

Breathing, releasing anger, stretching into love and friendliness - as yoga has taught me - is my first step in that plan.

Announcements:

• Next Kaiser Restorative Yoga for Cancer Survivorship 6-week series begins June 12 (ends July 24, no class July 3). Call 408-366-4284 to register.
• Sunday, June 23rd: Lorien will be offering restorative yoga demonstrations as part of Kaiser's Seeds of Hope Cancer Survivor Day. See Events page for info.
• Stay tuned: Lorien's Healing Yoga for Wellness DVD is coming soon!

The Benefits of Chanting

I first became interested in chanting because of its very practical benefits, but then I became fascinated by how chanting affected my emotions, concentration, energy and spirituality. As Krishna Das, a U.S. vocalist known for his performances of Indian devotional music, says,

"Chanting is a way of getting in touch with yourself. It's an opening of the heart and letting go of the mind and thoughts. It deepens the channel of grace, and it's a way of being present in the moment."

I was just introduced to the art of Vinyasa yoga, where each breath is a different movement, but I found that for every one breath that the teacher cued, I was taking two or three. My capacity was very low during the asana portion of the class, but I noticed 

I could extend my breath during the chanting part of the class.

Curious about this, I began to practice chanting on my own. I was shy about the sound of my voice, so I practiced alone in my car, when I was commuting to and from work. I worked on vowel sounds, the different components of om, and even practiced more extensive chants.

It turns out the car was the perfect place for me to practice. On a typical work day, I would get angry about the traffic, stressed about being on time, and would generally arrive to my destination in a very bad mood. But 

when I was practicing chanting, I didn’t care as much about the things that triggered my temper. 

Slowly, I began to let go and accept the cars, the waiting, the situation, and just focus on my breath. This transformed my commute and, later, contributed to my overall transformation.

Here are some of the benefits of chanting, as observed in research studies:

• Alfred Tomatis of the French Academy of Science and Medicine found that chanting sounds has a therapeutic effect on the body, soothing all our bodily systems and activating our body’s natural healing process. It also plays a part in reversing heart disease.
• According to a research done at the Cleveland University, USA, the rhythmic tones involved in chanting create a melodious effect in the body called the Neuro-linguistic effect (NLE). When we know the meaning of the mantra we are reciting, it creates a Psycholinguistic effect (PLE) on the body. The NLE and the PLE effects are by-products of the production and spreading of curative chemicals in the brain. The research concludes that this is the real reason why chanting provokes curative effects in us.
• Neuroscientist Dr. Marian Diamond from the University of California, Berkeley, found that chanting helps block the release of stress hormones and increases immune function.
• A study by Dr. Alan Watkins (senior lecturer in neuroscience at Imperial College London) revealed that while chanting, our heart rate and blood pressure dip to its lowest in the day. Doctors say that even listening to chants normalizes adrenaline levels, brain wave pattern and lowers cholesterol levels.
• Dr. Watkins says that when we chant, the vibration of the sound calms the nervous system and a profound sense of peace is obtained. It also de-stresses and facilitates better concentration and memory power.
• According to Dr. Watkins, chanting promotes a sense of well-being and helps us bond better with people around us, especially when practiced in a group.

On March 31 (Easter Sunday), at 3:00pm, a group of us will gather at Breathe Los Gatos to chant the sound om together for one hour. This happens all across the world, at this same time: people gathering to lend their voices to make the sound om, as a meditation on peace. 

Peace inside, peace around, peace throughout. 

I hope to see you there, but if not, please feel free to use your car (or shower, or anywhere else) to raise your voice to your health and spiritual benefit.

Announcements

Please see the Events page for more information about these upcoming special programs:

• Sunday, March 31 (Easter): OM for Peace
• Saturday, April 6 - Sunday April 7: Yin Yoga 14-Hour Immersion
• Saturday, April 6 - Sunday April 7 AND Saturday, April 13 - Sunday April 14: Yin Yoga Teacher Training
• Sunday, April 28: Yin Yoga 1-Day Workshop

Very Personal Reflections

This post is a little different; it's more personal and less about yoga. It took me a while to write it, because I had a self-image that my ego has created that wants you all to see me as a good, calm, kind parent. I'm not asking any of you to reinforce that image with this post. My only intention with this is to share what I've learned, in hopes it helps others in their relationships.

“There are no accidents.” “Everything happens for a reason.”

I’ve come to trust the truth in these statements as I see more of my life. Even the struggles have their purpose, if I live long enough and stay open enough to see it. This year, I have been working more diligently than ever on being aware. The reason for this diligence is because I began to dislike how I was relating to my family. I wanted something different from our relationships. So, I began to work on me.

2 months ago, my husband and I made a very difficult decision about our oldest child. Our 17-year old son was going down a path that was limiting his future: self-medication and no education. With my new awareness, I was finally able to see what I had been denying about him. We tried many things with our son, and finally came to a crossroad. On Tuesday, May 8, we forcefully sent our son to live in a therapeutic boarding school in Arizona. The people at the school, which is really a horse ranch, too, helped us to settle in to the new reality of him being there for several months. On aspect of their program is a peace-promotion set of tools, as taught by the Arbinger Institute. The boys at the ranch and their families must learn these tools, which seem to be a culmination of all the work I had been doing in my self-inquiry. The concepts of intention, ego, emotions and compassion are all used. I didn’t know it at the time, but I had been setting the foundation for the next stage in my life.

Arbinger begins with a description of Way of Being; in yogic terms this may be called Bhavana, or the underlying intention beneath behavior. There is always 2 ways to do something: responsive or resistive. When I respond, I follow my Bhavana and honor my innate sense to be a positive force in the world. When I resist, I deny my connection to others, betray my innate sense and view people as one of three objects: a vehicle to get what I want, an obstacle to getting what I want, or something irrelevant to getting what I want. Other people can sense this difference in the underlying energy in my way of being, even if my outward behavior is exactly the same. This is how I can say to my child, “I just want you to have a future”, and he can hear it as “I just want to control you.”

My husband and I have been in a class that discusses Arbinger, reading a book and doing a workbook for the past 5 weeks. The above paragraph is the foundation, but there is much more to it. If you’re interested, you can check out the books, The Anatomy of Peace and The Bonds That Set Us Free. If you’ve been doing the work on living consciously, these books will dovetail nicely.

Updates

• The NEW class at Worlds Yoga, PREP Therapy, is going really well! The studio is located in Saratoga in the Argonaut Shopping Center. Stop by if you can. To access the Worlds Yoga website click HERE.
• Sunday, July 22: Restorative Yoga teacher training at MindBodyZone in Fremont; see the Special Events tab for more info. 
• Friday, August 3-Saturday, August 4: Teaching Yoga to Someone with Cancer training at Breathe in Los Gatos; see the Special Events tab for more info. 
• Saturday, August 4: Yoga for Cancer Survivorship workshop at Breathe in Los Gatos; see the Special Events tab for more info. 

As always, check my Schedule page for the latest in class updates.