Reflections on Living Consciously

For the past 5 months, I've been posting about living with more attention on things like: breath, thoughts, body, emotions, the ego. I noticed when I began practicing living this way, my life didn't necessarily get any better. That's okay, because that wasn't my goal. My goal was to live more consciously, which includes the pain and the sorrow, the ease and the discomfort, and acceptance and the resistance. 

As I reflect on the year so far, I see that I've been uncomfortable a lot. I've broken down a lot. I've done and said and thought things that were "wrong"... And, I've experienced moments of humility and tenderness with myself far beyond anything I've felt in my life so far. Being aware is not easy. It's a moment by moment practice of tuning in, checking thoughts and breath and physical sensation and emotions and opinions. Any time I thought I had it figured out, any time when I felt I got myself reassured and grounded again, my circumstances changed and I went back to the start. 

Do we ever stop this process? Do we ever find solid ground, truly? Or do we learn to ride the waves of change and impermanence? I've had an image in my mind this past week of being on a sinking boat in the middle of the ocean during a raging storm, and my only companion in this boat is my inner critic, telling me over and over about how I got us into this mess; after hours of trying to stifle the cruel things my critic tells me, I've decided to embrace her, to hold onto her with love and affection. The storm doesn't ebb, the boat continues to leak, but I now have a loving companion to ride it out with.

Updates

Welcome to the new look for my website! As my teaching has evolved, I felt it was time for my website to reflect my focus. (If you notice anything missing or needing change, please let me know.)

Along with the new look of my website, I am pleased to announce another new class at a brand-new studio! Welcome, Worlds Yoga to the neighborhood. It is located in Saratoga in the Argonaut Shopping Center, and I will be teaching a class called PREP Therapy there. If you'd like a sneak preview of what the space looks like and what my class will be, join is this weekend for the grand opening free class offering. Pre-registration is recommended. You can do this by going to the Worlds Yoga website and signing up; click HERE to go there.

There are several other special events that I will be a part of over the next 3 months, so please check out the Special Events page for more info on: Kaiser's Cancer Survivor Day, Restorative Yoga teacher training and Yoga for Cancer Survivorship workshop.

As always, check my Schedule page for the latest in class updates.

The Year of Living Consciously Part 4

Today is April 1 - Fool's Day, so I thought I'd address one of my own blocks to living consciously: the Ego.

There are a whole family of reactions that come with realizing I've been a fool: thoughts about self-worth, intelligence, importance; feelings of betrayal, hurt, defensiveness; physical reactions of protection, nausea and loss of air. All of these reactions stem from one thing: my Ego. My Ego tells me someone has betrayed me or that I've been made a fool and that my attachment to some identity is in jeopardy. My Ego tells me I must lash out or collapse in to defend this identity. My Ego is the court jester who tells me I'm the fool, when my Ego is, in fact, an illusion. When I stop listening to this Ego, who poisons my heart, I'm able to let go of any and all blocks to living consciously. I can laugh at myself, I can forgive and I can love.

Yoga practice teaches me to remove the veils, the illusions to reality. The illusion here is that the Ego is a rational, reasonable voice; once the veil has been lifted, the rational, reasonable 3-piece suit that the Ego wears begins to fall away and I see in its place the 3-horned hat and clown face. The Ego is the truest illusion. This year, I will not be fooled today by it.

Namaste

Schedule updates and special events; please see Special Events page for more details...

• April 8: Annual OM for Peace Chant 3:00-4:00pm at Breathe Los Gatos; come join our voices in this annual FREE event as we chant OM for 1 hour at our own rate and pitch. See Special Events for more info.
• April 27-29, 2012 Weekend Retreat with Lorien and Marti Foster at Mayacamas Ranch in Calistoga. Only a few spots left, so register now! See Special Events for more info.
• May 5, 2012 1:30-4:00pm Yoga for Cancer Survivorship workshop at Yoga of Los Altos. See Special Events for more info.
• NEW Class: Beginning May 23 11:00-noon Yoga for Cancer Survivorship 6-week series at Kaiser on Homestead at Tantau. Call Kaiser Health Education to register: (408) 851-3800.

The Year of Living Consciously Part 3

For the last two months, we've explored watching your thoughts and your breath. These are practices can be done with detachment and are usually not combustible.

This month, we'll study the emotions. Going back to the first installment, I mentioned that as we learn language, we learn to attach a condition to words and whole thoughts - "good" or "bad", "right" or "wrong", "pleasant" or "painful". With these conditional attachments come emotions. For example, I'm sitting in my morning meditation and my mind slithers off to some previous conversation and I begin to rehash the whole situation (this type of distraction is sticky and can really catch me in its web); as soon as I notice what I've done, my thoughts turn to judgment about my slithering away. My judgment turns to a shortening of my breath, a wince across my brow and a protective shrug in my shoulders. My entire being is now stuck in the reaction to my mental slip. If I am paying attention, I may notice these outward signs in my breath and body... but if I'm watching the emotions, I can nip all of this in the bud. Watch that your mind has patterns, and those patterns can be associated with emotions, and those feed the breath and body systems. Try using your sharpened mind and breath awareness to catch yourself at the beginning of these conditional responses and watch the emotions without being caught in them. If that isn't yet possible, try turning your focus on things that evoke positive and then neutral feelings. This will help to discharge the emotion and disconnect you from the pattern of judging your emotional response.

Namaste

Schedule updates and special events; please see Special Events page for more details...

• THIS SUNDAY! March 4 1:00-3:30pm: Serenity Yoga, a Gentle and Restorative Yoga Workshop at Willow Glen Yoga. Please join us for subtle movements, deep breathing and supportive restorative postures. Spaces still available, please register at www.willowglenyoga.com.
• Beginning March 6: FREE Yoga for Cancer Survivorship class Tuesdays noon-12:45pm at Breathe Los Gatos. Contact Lorien for more info.
• April 8: Annual OM for Peace Chant 3:00-4:00pm at Breathe Los Gatos; come join our voices in this annual FREE event as we chant OM for 1 hour at our own rate and pitch. See Special Events for more info.
• April 27-29, 2012 Weekend Retreat with Lorien and Marti Foster at Mayacamas Ranch in Calistoga. See Special Events for more info.