When the Pose Doesn’t Fit

This post originally appeared on the Breathe Los Gatos blog on November 18, 2014.

There are many reasons why a pose doesn’t work for someone, which means there are many ways for me to address it when someone tells me they can’t practice the pose that I’m offering that moment. Some students will set out on their yoga adventure with shining enthusiasm, but are met with difficulty stemming from their current situation and their conditioning. These barriers can be physical or psychological.

After years of hurting myself in Shoulderstand,
I found this option. Photo credit: Joereal

Physical Barriers to the Imaginary “Perfect” Pose

Last year, I began a tentative trek into the land of Ashtanga vinyasa yoga. This is a yoga practice that requires discipline, strength, flexibility, patience, devotion, tenacity and – most importantly – faith. It took a lot of trust for me to enter the Mysore room, to listen to instructor Erika Abrahamian and her assistants when they offered alignment tips that were different from the way I had been practicing, and to believe that it would get better. After a year of practicing, I can report that, for me, it did get better… in some ways. But I had to acquaint myself with my physical barriers first.

These barriers may show up quickly for someone whose joints are stiff, but for someone who is hypermobile, it can take years of overdoing, then paying for it, then rehabilitating, then trying again, to map out the danger zones. All along the way, Erika would ask me (and I’d ask myself, too) “Is this really a barrier? Or is it a habit?” At the same time that these questions float through my mind, I’m also witnessing my egoic self wanting to look like everyone else, advance as quickly and be praised just as much. The tug of war happens the moment I lay my mat down and I make a conscious effort about how safe I want to play it and how much I want to be “in the club,” as yoga teacher Kent Bond is fond of saying. No one can dictate which side of the fence I’ll land on in any given practice.

When one of my students meets a physical barrier, I run through the same questions; how much of this barrier is physical, how much does this person need to be pushed – or told to back off, and how can I help them find a way to conform while staying safe? There are no easy answers, and each experience is different.

One piece of advice that I do pass along is to treat each practice as a new adventure, because we are dynamic creatures and we can never truly predict how our bodies will respond for sure.

Today might be the day that you stand on your hands in perfect balance… or, it might not.

Psychological Barriers to the Imaginary “Perfect” Pose

Memory plays such a big role in our yoga practice. Music, imagery, certain cues, touch and all the other sensations can help – or hinder us – as we practice. I once had a student whose foot fell asleep each time she practiced swan pose in my yin class (similar to a folded pigeon pose, held for 5 minutes). This reminded her of when she was a child and would have seizures, because each of her episodes was preceded by her feet falling asleep. She couldn’t tolerate the swan pose for more than a few seconds. She became afraid, anxious and uncomfortable, and the more she practiced, the worse it became. Together we worked with her body to find another way to practice this pose, because she wasn’t ready to address the trauma that the sensations brought from her past to the present. At times yoga teachers are treated like therapists, and some do have training, but since I don’t, I worked around the issue which made sense to me at the time.

So many of us misinterpret our memories as fixed stories whose details and consequences can never be changed. I’ve found that memory is fluid. You know that saying, “there’s his side and there’s her side, but the truth lies somewhere in the middle”? That works for memory, too. I have a friend who grew up in Germany, then moved to Italy as a young adult and now lives here in the US. When she was in Italy, she replayed the dramas of her youth – the slights and painful experiences of her childhood – and they always played out in her mind with people speaking German. Now that she is here in the US, when she recalls these same incidences, the people in them are speaking Italian. No one ever spoke Italian when she was growing up, but this demonstrates how fluid our perception of experiences can be.

One day I can come into someone’s yoga class and really enjoy all the plank and chaturanga dandasanas (low push-ups) that this person offers; another day, I feel very annoyed by this repetition – probably because my wrists are hurting, or my poses don’t look as good as my neighbors, etc.

Perception is fluid. 

Memory is fluid. 

Things are rarely what they appear to be.

Just as memory can build psychological roadblocks, so can expectation. Have you ever gone to a teacher’s class with a longing for their voice, their music, their sequence that you know will “fix” whatever ails you in that moment, only to find that there is a sub? If you cling tightly to your expectations, then you are guaranteed to meet another barrier. Your mind will begin to chatter, “She doesn’t teach this pose this way; why can’t she just do it the way I know?” or “Is this really an appropriate pose for this class? Doesn’t he know what we normally do?” These, and other, thoughts stem from the egoic self, which never wants to look bad trying something new. This voice may quiet with more exposure to yoga teachers and practices, but it may always be there. I’ve even been told these words to my face before. This is a situation where the student has put up a shield and, until it comes back down, he or she will remain unteachable.

Transformation is delayed. Ego wins.

I’ve been here and thought that and my advice is to breathe. Trust in the goodness of others, trust yourself, trust the universe and let go. Once we turn away from the egoic self, an entirely new practice opens up.

Poses may not necessarily fit, but maybe they don’t need to.

The Shadow Student

A brash regular student in my Yoga Basics class stepped off her mat, crossed the room, and loudly told another student how to align her leg properly in a pose.

A breast cancer survivor who was healing a double mastectomy came to my Gentle Yoga class and proceeded to do other, more active practices throughout my class; when I asked her what was going on, she told me, "gentle yoga is too gentle for me."

As we concluded our Wellness Yoga class, I asked the students to sit up and notice how they felt, and one student sat up and immediately hunched over her smartphone until the last echo of "om" was done.

I call these students "shadow students", a term I learned early in my yoga teaching career from my mentors. Shadow students are those people who rattle me for one reason or another. I usually teach with so much clarity and equanimity that when I get thrown off-center, I need to know why. Typically, it's because

these people embody some aspect of myself that I am not comfortable with: my shadow self.

Photo courtesy of Jennifer Prugh

In the first example, the student took it upon herself to "teach" someone else in my class. This displays a rejection of her own experience, showing that she would rather focus on someone else than on herself.

Yep, guilty of that one.

In the second example, the student explained that since she could do more, she felt she should do more - more than what the class was wiling to do and more than what I was offering. She also continued to move in final relaxation pose, until I explained to her that this was the time to be still and allow her body to integrate what she's done. In her case - as I could see by the look in her eyes, she wasn't ready to trust the process. Like a cartoon, I could see the thought bubble forming over her head: how am I going to get back to "normal" if I don't push myself? 

Ah, been there, too... Thought that, too... Rejected the process, too...

In the last example, the student who reached for her phone was really reaching for some other reality. Acceptance of her situation eluded her. She refused to be in that room, on that mat, in her body for one more moment. And why be there, when - at the tip of your fingers - you can be nearly anywhere your wifi can take you? Technology is a seductive trap that outwardly shows us what the inward thoughts are: I am uncomfortable in this moment, so I will follow my drunken monkey mind down some path that is far more pleasurable. We all have these thoughts, and some of us develop skills to bring ourselves back to the present moment, no matter how uncomfortable. In the early years of my practice, I was fortunate enough to not have seductive technology trap me, but my mind still pulled me away.

Correct that: my mind still pulls me away.

These folks bring me to a mirror, a picture of myself that I don't care for, like the snapshot that catches me in mid-grimace. I hear myself saying, "if only student X wasn't in the room, then everyone would be able to relax a little more." Really, what I'm saying is, "if only I were different..." (Please note: I'm not talking about the completely disruptive situations that need to be dealt with in the moment; if I'm really clear, those situations rarely arise, actually.)

So, how can I deal with my shadow self? In my early years, I'll admit that I didn't handle these situations with much skill. Here's what I've learned:

Empathy is key. No one steps into a yoga class wanting to be "that guy", the one who takes a phone call in the middle of restorative yoga, and yet, it happens.

Boundaries are key. If you don't know what the rules are, then education is important.

Check myself. It's really about my reaction, and if I don't love those shadow parts of myself, then I may not meet these students with what they need: patience and friendliness.

I was assisting a yoga workshop recently for my teacher. We had gathered into the middle of the room to look at slides and then were sent back to our mats. I noticed one student wasn't practicing, just sitting on the floor. When I asked her why, she pointed to her mat, which was currently being occupied by another workshop participant; this student had mistakenly stepped onto the wrong mat. Instead of making a fuss, or even mentioning it to the person, she chose to sit and wait for the right moment. It came. Someone was embarrassed, but wasn't publicly shamed, which might have been the case with another, less grounded student.

We all have shadows. It is important to learn what our shadows are, and make friends with them as best we can, so that we can all live together with more grace and skill.

I bow to all my teachers.

Why We Need Holidays

A friend wrote on his Facebook page last month his displeasure about the lies surrounding the celebration of Thanksgiving. It's true that many of our holidays have evolved into someone our ancestors would never recognize. But I argue that we still need these holidays, whether we celebrate them in the original spirit or not.

When you break down the traditions and eliminate the commercialism, you are left with the truly necessary need to connect with each other. At some point, our ancestors may have sacrificed a great meal source or created a public display that honored their connection to their chosen deity, but all of that really is about connecting to each other. We need to feel less alone in this life; we need to feel that we have guides on our path; we need to know that others are guided in the same way.

Photo by Chris Kotsiopoulos,
greeksky.gr

If you don't understand what I mean, try stepping outside at night in some remote place where the moon, the planets and the stars are the only lights you see...

It's acceptable for us to feel that insignificant, as long as we sense an overarching architecture. It's less lonely when we realize there are others looking up and experiencing the same vastness - maybe even at the same time as us.

So, this year, as you juggle the stress, emotions and superficial qualities of the season, remember to look up at night and recall why you are sitting down to feast, why you are showering your loved ones with gifts, lighting candles or singing songs. Weave your thread in this vast tapestry with beautiful awareness.

Namaste.

Develop Your Conscious Waiting App: A Resource for Power-less Times

If Dante Alighieri were to update his epic poem, The Divine Comedy, waiting rooms just might have their own place in Hell, or, at least, Purgatory, because these rooms collect us all together, doing what we most dispise: nothing. Waiting around, doing nothing can slowly erode our patience, kindness, sense of worth and, ultimately, our health. Waiting makes us feel powerless, which add to our stress and contributes to a loss in immune function.

What we need is an "app" to combat waiting. While it's true that most people will turn to their electronics for distraction during times of waiting, a digital tool is not what I mean. What we need to combat waiting is a mental tool, a Conscious Waiting App TM, that we turn to anytime, anywhere, in those situations when we are forced to do nothing or be uncomfortable with waiting. We could use this app whenever our teens are late for curfew, or our doctor tells us on Friday that our cancer screening test results won't be in until Tuesday, or when our parent is undergoing surgery. Instead of worrying, which increases our adrenaline, blood pressure and physical tension, we could turn inward to our Conscious Waiting App TM and connect to our own strength, spirit and compassion.

There are many ways to turn inward and connect: meditation, mantra, visualization, body awareness and breath awareness are just some of the ways. Find one of these that works for you and practice that tool for at least a month, each time life presents you with an opportunity to wait. Who knows? You might find your attitude towards waiting changing! If you don't already have tool that works for you, try my Conscious Waiting App TM, which combines several of the above methods for turning inward.

Conscious Waiting App TM

1. Ground: whether you are seated or standing, notice your feet or seat and drop your weight into them; relax your shoulders and your jaw; observe and surrender to the pull of gravity.
2. Lengthen: imagine a strong thread that is holding you up; visualize this thread beginning at the base of your spine, weave it through your vertebral column, and see it exit out through the top of your skull, slightly towards the back of your head. Feel yourself being held by this thread and elongate your torso gently.
3. Breathe: breath through the nostrils, if possible, and slow down the very beginning of each inhale and exhale. Intentionally relax your breath on your inhale, and slightly tense your lower abdomen as your exhale to expel all your breath out. Keep your breath relaxed but focused. 
4. Shift: observe your hands, resting them comfortably with your palms up. As you inhale, fold your thumbs and fingers into your palms, one at a time, so that you make fists as you reach the top of your inhale. While holding your breath in for the space of a heartbeat, squeeze your thumbs with your fingers. As you slowly exhale, release each finger and your thumbs, so that each hand is completely open as you reach the bottom of your exhale and pause for 1-2 heartbeats. After several rounds, relax your hands completely.
5. Release: watch the flow of your breath, continuing to breathe through your nostrils and slowing down the beginning of each breath. Let go of any tension as you exhale, allowing your breath to simply exit without any help from your abdomen. Watch the flow of your breath, rather than each individual breath. 
6. Observe: notice your physical sensations, like tension, freedom, weight, lightness; notice sensations around your breath, like constriction, ease, depth, texture; notice sensation around your thoughts, like stickiness, fluidity, emotion, neutrality. Repeat this mantra: "Right now, I am doing something that is good for me."

Practice each step 5 or more times. If you are still waiting, go back to step 1 and repeat the app. Portions of this can be done while stuck in traffic, or waiting at the airport, or while you are in a heated disagreement with a loved one. It doesn't have to be perfect, and no one has to even know you are doing this, but everyone will observe a change in you, and may even respond to that change accordingly. Try it, the next time you feel stuck in the circle of hell we call waiting.

Announcements

• New class: Beginning Wednesday, Sept 5, Lorien will teach a weekly 11:00am-noon restorative yoga series for Kaiser Santa Clara oncology; registration is still open and we have plenty of space! This first series is open to patients, survivors and caregivers. To register, call 408-366-4284. Please, tell your friends!!!
• Class on hiatus: Wednesday 7:30pm yin at Breathe will take a break between Sept 19-Nov 14; we'll return on Nov 21.

Reflections on Living Consciously

For the past 5 months, I've been posting about living with more attention on things like: breath, thoughts, body, emotions, the ego. I noticed when I began practicing living this way, my life didn't necessarily get any better. That's okay, because that wasn't my goal. My goal was to live more consciously, which includes the pain and the sorrow, the ease and the discomfort, and acceptance and the resistance. 

As I reflect on the year so far, I see that I've been uncomfortable a lot. I've broken down a lot. I've done and said and thought things that were "wrong"... And, I've experienced moments of humility and tenderness with myself far beyond anything I've felt in my life so far. Being aware is not easy. It's a moment by moment practice of tuning in, checking thoughts and breath and physical sensation and emotions and opinions. Any time I thought I had it figured out, any time when I felt I got myself reassured and grounded again, my circumstances changed and I went back to the start. 

Do we ever stop this process? Do we ever find solid ground, truly? Or do we learn to ride the waves of change and impermanence? I've had an image in my mind this past week of being on a sinking boat in the middle of the ocean during a raging storm, and my only companion in this boat is my inner critic, telling me over and over about how I got us into this mess; after hours of trying to stifle the cruel things my critic tells me, I've decided to embrace her, to hold onto her with love and affection. The storm doesn't ebb, the boat continues to leak, but I now have a loving companion to ride it out with.

Updates

Welcome to the new look for my website! As my teaching has evolved, I felt it was time for my website to reflect my focus. (If you notice anything missing or needing change, please let me know.)

Along with the new look of my website, I am pleased to announce another new class at a brand-new studio! Welcome, Worlds Yoga to the neighborhood. It is located in Saratoga in the Argonaut Shopping Center, and I will be teaching a class called PREP Therapy there. If you'd like a sneak preview of what the space looks like and what my class will be, join is this weekend for the grand opening free class offering. Pre-registration is recommended. You can do this by going to the Worlds Yoga website and signing up; click HERE to go there.

There are several other special events that I will be a part of over the next 3 months, so please check out the Special Events page for more info on: Kaiser's Cancer Survivor Day, Restorative Yoga teacher training and Yoga for Cancer Survivorship workshop.

As always, check my Schedule page for the latest in class updates.

Mindfulness Matters Part I

Watch your thoughts, they become words.

Watch your words, they become actions.

Watch your actions, they become habits.

Watch your habits, they become your character.

Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

~Unknown

Take a deep breath as you are reading this and observe your thoughts. Repeat this as many times as you can remember to do so throughout the day. Begin to realize that your thoughts are secretions of your brain, just like any other organ, and let go of any judgments about your thoughts. This is the first step to developing a compassionate mind.

Namaste,

Lorien

Mind Befriends Body

Have you ever had a friend who doesn't really listen to you? You try to explain something and this person talks right over you. It isn't much of a friendship, is it? Now think about your body and mind as two friends. Body continues to quietly speak to Mind, but Mind is oblivious and simply talks over Body. Not much of a relationship in that scenario. When we practice mindfulness through body scanning, we can think of the practice as strengthening this relationship by letting Mind (attention) be led by Body (sensation). This is a way for Mind to befriend Body, creating a deeper bond and better communication between the two - just like with friends. Practice body scanning in a seated or reclined position (see below for how to do a body scan). It is a wonderful skill and perfect for a more internal summertime practice.

What we are practicing now...

Body scanning is a kinesthetic mindfulness practice that brings your attention inward. Begin by finding a quiet, comfortable position, either seated or reclined. Try to place your body in such a way so that there is minimal sensation, using props if necessary.

Bring your awareness to the surface of your skin and notice your weight on the floor or chair. Let your breath be organic and notice how breathing in and out moves your clothing and skin. Release your weight a little more and notice the air all around you. Feel the whole back surface of your body and the whole front surface. Notice your left side and your right side.

Now bring your attention beneath the surface of your skin and turn your mind fully towards your body. Notice any part of your body that is calling for attention and rest your awareness fully there. As your breathe, be aware of how the sensation in this area changes. If you feel tension coming from this area, try exhaling through your mouth like you have just dropped a heavy load; repeat this as many times as you feel you need it. If another part of your body calls for attention, allow your mind to fully rest there. Continue to move your awareness through your body this way, letting your mind be led by sensation rather than thought. If thoughts arise, notice them but don't engage them and return to your practice, beginning at the surface of your skin, if necessary.

Practice this kinesthetic mindfulness for several minutes, then release it. Notice how you feel - mentally and physically. Return your attention slowly to the surface of your skin, clothing, floor/chair, air. Move into your next practice or simply come out.

Note: this practice is a combination of ingredients given to me by several teachers; my gratitude to Cheri Clampett, Arturo Peal, Kelly McGonigal and Sharon Allen. Namaste.

Schedule updates and events... see Schedule for complete class listing

• Saturday, July 10th: celebrate Lorien's 40th birthday with a free beach yoga class at Moran Lake Beach in Santa Cruz; class begins at 10:30am. Bring water, towel and sun protection; there is limited parking on site. Immediately following the class, there will be a drum circle at the beach house 2 blocks away. Please join us if you are interested - no experience needed, you cannot do this wrong!
• Yin & Yang Yoga Retreat Oct 1-3 in Sonoma, CA. See Special Events for more details.
• Cancer support lecture and workshop with Michelle Duguay is set for September 25 at Soula Power Yoga in downtown San Jose. Look for more information coming soon!