Friday, July 6, 2012

Very Personal Reflections

This post is a little different; it's more personal and less about yoga. It took me a while to write it, because I had a self-image that my ego has created that wants you all to see me as a good, calm, kind parent. I'm not asking any of you to reinforce that image with this post. My only intention with this is to share what I've learned, in hopes it helps others in their relationships.

“There are no accidents.” “Everything happens for a reason.”

I’ve come to trust the truth in these statements as I see more of my life. Even the struggles have their purpose, if I live long enough and stay open enough to see it. This year, I have been working more diligently than ever on being aware. The reason for this diligence is because I began to dislike how I was relating to my family. I wanted something different from our relationships. So, I began to work on me.

2 months ago, my husband and I made a very difficult decision about our oldest child. Our 17-year old son was going down a path that was limiting his future: self-medication and no education. With my new awareness, I was finally able to see what I had been denying about him. We tried many things with our son, and finally came to a crossroad. On Tuesday, May 8, we forcefully sent our son to live in a therapeutic boarding school in Arizona. The people at the school, which is really a horse ranch, too, helped us to settle in to the new reality of him being there for several months. On aspect of their program is a peace-promotion set of tools, as taught by the Arbinger Institute. The boys at the ranch and their families must learn these tools, which seem to be a culmination of all the work I had been doing in my self-inquiry. The concepts of intention, ego, emotions and compassion are all used. I didn’t know it at the time, but I had been setting the foundation for the next stage in my life.

Arbinger begins with a description of Way of Being; in yogic terms this may be called Bhavana, or the underlying intention beneath behavior. There is always 2 ways to do something: responsive or resistive. When I respond, I follow my Bhavana and honor my innate sense to be a positive force in the world. When I resist, I deny my connection to others, betray my innate sense and view people as one of three objects: a vehicle to get what I want, an obstacle to getting what I want, or something irrelevant to getting what I want. Other people can sense this difference in the underlying energy in my way of being, even if my outward behavior is exactly the same. This is how I can say to my child, “I just want you to have a future”, and he can hear it as “I just want to control you.”

My husband and I have been in a class that discusses Arbinger, reading a book and doing a workbook for the past 5 weeks. The above paragraph is the foundation, but there is much more to it. If you’re interested, you can check out the books, The Anatomy of Peace and The Bonds That Set Us Free. If you’ve been doing the work on living consciously, these books will dovetail nicely.


  • The NEW class at Worlds Yoga, PREP Therapy, is going really well! The studio is located in Saratoga in the Argonaut Shopping Center. Stop by if you can. To access the Worlds Yoga website click HERE.
  • Sunday, July 22: Restorative Yoga teacher training at MindBodyZone in Fremont; see the Special Events tab for more info. 
  • Friday, August 3-Saturday, August 4: Teaching Yoga to Someone with Cancer training at Breathe in Los Gatos; see the Special Events tab for more info. 
  • Saturday, August 4: Yoga for Cancer Survivorship workshop at Breathe in Los Gatos; see the Special Events tab for more info. 
As always, check my Schedule page for the latest in class updates.