Compassionate Cancer Communication

Sometimes I feel like I am constantly doing research around cancer. I am always looking for ways to interact better with people who have been diagnosed. Since I have not gone through my own cancer experience, I feel I need the background in order to serve people better.

A while ago I came across a great article written by Lori Baker called "What Not to Say to People With Cancer". It was published in a magazine for the staff of M.D. Anderson, as a way to help them better communicate with cancer patients. Baker's suggestions of how to communicate can help us all. Even if you don't work with cancer on a regular basis, the odds are you'll be in contact with someone with cancer at some point. Here are some tips on how to make that communication more compassionate and, potentially, more healing. You can find the complete article here.

 DOs:

• Sincerity and caring
• Empathetic/realistic statements: “I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
• Genuine and specific offers of help
• Treat me like you did before I was diagnosed/Talk about something other than cancer
• Respect my choices/wishes: the treatments I’ve chosen, when to be alone, not talk about it, etc.
• General questions that let me decide how much to share: “How is your day going?" (rather than “How are you doing?”)
• “You’re not alone.” “I’m in this with you all the way.” “We’re here for you.”

DON’Ts:

• Telling stories about others with cancer, especially if a patient died
• Saying, “I know how you feel.”
• Telling me how I should feel/ what I should do (including mind-over-body comments, alternative therapies*)
• Trite, over-used platitudes/ metaphors
• Pity
• Unrealistic optimism: “Things are going to be OK.” “I’m sure you’ll feel better/get out of the hospital soon.” “One day you’ll look back and see the good that came out of all this.”
• Any comments on hair loss/ re-growth
• Comments that indicate it’s behind me: “You’ve beaten it.” “You’re cured.”
• “You’ll get back to your old self.”

* You could take this statement to mean different things: keeping the perspective of the writer in mind, you could see this comment as a way for the medical institution to ensure its plan is not questioned, and its patients not highjacked; or, you could see this as a way for patients to reduce unsolicited advice and remain focused on the task at hand. I choose the latter interpretation. The work that I do falls into the category of "alternative therapies", so I will always speak about it, but only if asked. (I remember all the unwelcome advice I received when I was pregnant - what to eat, wear, listen to, exercise to, journal about, etc., which was kind-hearted but mostly unhelpful.) Everyone has their own cancer path to follow and no one really knows which one they "should" take.

Namaste

Announcements

Please see the Events page for more information about these upcoming special programs:

• Wednesday, February 20: Next 6-week series of Restorative Yoga for Cancer Survivorship begins at Kaiser Santa Clara; for more info, see Schedule
• Sunday, March 31 (Easter): OM for Peace
• Saturday, April 7 - Sunday April 8: Yin Yoga 14-Hour Immersion
• Saturday, April 7 - Sunday April 8 AND Saturday, April 13 - Sunday April 14: Yin Yoga Teacher Training
• Sunday, April 28: Yin Yoga 1-Day Workshop

108 Challenge: Compassionate Yoga Serving Us All

Don't want to read? Click here to watch a 2-minute video for an overview of what's below.

What is a Yoga Mala?

Sun salutation or Surya Namaskara is a dynamic sequence of 12 postures performed as one continuous flow. A mala is a string of 108 beads used in prayer and chanting; 108 sun salutations becomes a yoga mala. There is a yogic tradition to practice 108 sun salutations as an offering of peace or to honor the change in seasons, like the upcoming Spring Equinox.

What Does This Mean to Me?

Beginning Wed, June 1 and continuing through June 18, I'll be posting yoga videos on YouTube of various sun salutations. Some with be gentle enough for all abilities, some will be challenging. Each day will have 6 rounds taking between 6-12 minutes - short and sweet! So, if you practice every day, then by June 18 you'll have completed a yoga mala.

Why am I doing this?

As some of you may already know, I am making a wellness yoga DVD for the nonprofit group Human Connexus. This group does extraordinary work! They find families who are struggling financially due to some unforeseen circumstances, and give them help to get by. Many of these families are dealing with medical issues. The wellness yoga dvd will be sent to each of the Human Connexus recipients in order to support their continued well-being. The dvd will be accessible to all levels and abilities, including bedridden and chair-bound participants. The cost to produce the video is $14,000 and we are actively pursuing funding from philanthropic foundations. In the meantime, we have organized an event that everyone can enjoy and support to raise the necessary funds to get this project started.

In addition to the challenge of practicing 108 sun salutations, we are looking to raise 108 donations - in any denomination. 108 donations of $10 each would get the project off the ground, and 108 donations of $100 each would pay for the whole project. Please donate what you can with a light heart. Practice to support yourself, and donate to support others. Pass along this challenge to as many people as you can - let's make compassion viral!

Namaste